Yesterday I was having a play fight and someone I care about quite a bit saw my most recent wounds after they managed to take off my shoes (which was the aim I think). They knew that I recently had reverted back to old ways but I have never felt so guilty about anything after seeing the pain in their face and the dreaded: “Please tell me that’s not from the other night. What have you done to yourself? That’s so much worse than I thought.”

I just wanted to cry right then. I felt like I really hurt them. I felt sick to my stomach for even having thought about doing it.

It makes me feel sicker that I’m sitting here tonight contemplating the same thing not even 48 hours later.


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